Vicky - Broadcasting Life through Friendster

I’m actually doing pretty well now. It’s just those days when little things make you cry and hope it was just dust, but it wasn’t and you cry at that fact as well.

My heart aches when someone calls out ‘daddy’ to a manly figure nearby. Usually, the call is answered by a warm smile appearing on the man’s face. I won’t get that now, will I?

I’m still so stuck in the past in some ways, yet in others I’ve moved on so much. I’m forcing myself too hard, making life a tough one though it’s not really that bad.

I spent 3 days of CNY hoping that the past would return, that for once I could kneel in front of my parents - PARENTS - both of them, and get a thick red ang pow and know that for that entire year I’m truly blessed, (not just financially, hello?) and truly loved. I wished for firecrackers and a daddy sitting inside the sitting room watching TV, I prayed for family reunions with lots of laughter and too much talking from us kids. I longed for attending CNY mass together and visitng just after that. I ached for a bit more time, a bit more CNY time. But I was deprived.

The past won’t come flying back to you, darling me. Things like that just happen in movies, or dreams. But in real life, it’s so true and cold it hurts.. yah, just like that.

I desperately want my old life back!!! But I know that’s impossible. What’s passed is the past, what lies before, the future. I just want to go back to the good old days when things were less complicated and the value of life was priceless. It’s impossible.. * sigh.

Time passes so fast and things change so fast it pains me. Friends change, friends go, friends leave.. * sigh

Am losing my mind thinking about sad stuff again. How I love them, and how it kills me.

I had to experience hurt in a really funny way lately. Was having some relationship crisis. However, after much evaluation and reflection on the situation (after throwing a bit of a tantarum), I realised that no one can hurt me but me. I will not let myself be down over situations that might seem to be blown out of proportion. To be forgiven I should first learn to forgive. Letting go off things that will make me cry will only make life better. Seeing things in perspective and from different angles, even from others’ point of view helps.

I am really blessed with so much that I have. People who love me and people who will stand by me through thick and thin. Though situations may not always be lovely, I can still see the loveliness and beauty of life through hardships and trials.

God has been truly good to me and I should thank Him more.

Here’s a prayer to share.

*Lord give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.*

haha. wut’s over? my finals is over! finally. ive finally understood da meaning of finals. the final piece of blow life gives to u for something u get in return. i get a diploma.. n my assessors give me the huge blow! it wus good though, dun get me wrong. i tried my darn best 2 do wut i had 2 do.. n i got commented, criticized n all the toughies one has to take while dressed as formally as one could. the good part of it, well.. ive learnt wut i haf 2 do 2 b better.. da bad part.. erm.. i dun think there’s a bad part.

friday, july 22nd. a day after i turned 23. so many numbers.. my bday being on 21st, final blow on 22nd.. turning 23. hmm

it started out early.. n i went to steal elephant- ears (leaves btw) from the condo, wif a scissors. n i also went around stealing flowers. for?? finals lar.. da presentation. dat’s the topic for today, k? anyway, the theft was successful so i went 2 pick up 2 frenz who were also going to share the same fate as i, today. okay not reli today.. but pls read the date as above! went to coll, did some last minute setting up.. doodled around, taking pics for frens’ assessment.. n den i had the big blow myself.. my final presentation. as i had reli reli tried my best (seriously, no joke.. i almost died in the process. died of exhaustion, dat is), i reli din mind comments. it was a form of education. the final one, maybe. for now.

all went well. the room looked nice, n fresh. n even the senior director of operations for our united 3 colleges came n viewed my works. nice, nice. i was the emcee for the AD MD depts’ showcase launch. was okay. din trip or anything. ehhe i did stammer. oopS! erm.. n den i was invited to invade the showcase, n i did. i guez my fren, justine, she’l nvr ever forgive me for the invasion. she said my work made everyone’s look bad. coz i made the 4 books last sem for my text n image class. hey.. diff depts, diff subjects, diff expectations, diff grades! the whole day was fun. n tiring. n fun.

n da day ended wif yumcha.. lots of happy stuff for my bday!! a cake from my usj2 family!!! n lots of yummy food. wher? asia cafe!

july 23rd. showcase day

after the invasion, i kinda fitted in. ppl came 2 c my works as well, i explained til it wus kinda annoying for me 2 say it once more. ertie, my 2nd sis.. gaf me a dozen yellow roses 2 congratulate me for exhibiting my work. more like invading my frens’ showcase. i had lots of fun playing feeding frenzy.. after a long 12 year or no computer games, i finally played something fun.. n within my ability n capability! ;P lots of junk food, lots of running around taking pics. it was a blast!

how da day ended? food. at shakey’s. a treat from our lecturer in charge. n he sent me n 2 others home. kinda sad it’s all over.
n after dat? pool! n yumcha! n stupid jokes wif rick n da usj2 ppl. fun! n im glad it was..

so after my final presentation.. an empty feeling seems to fill the buziness i once felt. oh well.. il b bz. soon. wen i start work. but il talk bout dat wen it happens!

im back in kl!!!!!!!!!!! i m finally back. happy? in a way.. back 2 my super stressed filled routine.. yeah, i m happy. i luv stress.. if uve not known by now.. a bit sad too.. i miss my mom, n my dad. n my nanny. not reli my bro though. he’s been a pain in d arse. a cute one though.

okie.. here’s a bit bout wut happened wen i went bk lar.. erm.. may 2nd. got on da plane wif oufei n rick.. not too much a delay from airasia.. but i din take my regular puff n traditional routine @ da smokin lounge in KLIA. damn!

reached kch.. did a lot of packing n running around. went for da wedding blessing @ st. Joe’s rehearsal n a food tasting dinner @ crowne. wus great. i saw an angel. but dat angel cud b a devil?

da blessing. preps n all went great. i dressed up. wif da make up n all!!!!!!! da whole blessing wus beautiful. from my sister, da bride, 2 da very simple deco.. 2 da vows taken. my bro in law’s voice broke. 12 years of loving da same person n now tying da knot. whoa.

lunch wus laksa. YUM. n rick found her pepsi blue. they stil haf stock in kch, believe it or not. n it rained a bit.. so we stayed in.

dinner @ buntal! great!!!!!!! rick is starting 2 feel a bit insecured. cant blame her.. we’ve got one of the most gorgeous kch guys as our in laws now. not exxagerating or wut. he luks great.. oh well, dat’s da ‘angel’ wus talking bout. damn, im blabbing like ice

went 2 sarawak cultural village d nxt day. cost rick n oufei 45 each. thank God i brought my student ID, cost me 10, but we split da difference. we hung around n Damai for awhile.. rick said the sight was BAD.. y? lots of red big crabs walking around, dat’s y.

da tour, n show was great. reli. we got a bit tired though. so went 2 chill @ boon kHai. rick n oufei did a bit of shopping n we headed home.. onli 2 head out after dat for open air’s food n waterfront’s drinks

n… for the next day, we were supposed 2 do some kinda outdoor shoot for my sis n my bro in law.. but my sis cancelled it. * sigh.. she’s sufferin from post damai outing. instead, oufei, rick, my bro in law n i went for yummy noodles @ capentar street.. n we ate till da car got an impressive 5 bucks red summon. rested for awhile n headed 2 da cat museum (oufei went crazy, serious.. it wus so freaky.. he shopped like crazy as well) n s’wak museums… n some pottery place, i think.. ended up @ life cafe.. n den home after my sis ffk us..

i went home 2 sleep. planned to do a 14 hour marathon sleep.. however, rick woke me up after 3 hours n lied 2 me dat it wus 3.30 in the morn. damn.. so i woke up blur n all.. onli 2 find out dat it wus onli 8.30. cute bitch. so we headed 2 run some errands n ended up @ da airport at 2 waiting for my 2nd sis’s stupid stupid stupid airasia plane 2 stop delaying, n land. n we went home. yaked like hell n i headed for bed..

n da huggggggggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee day has arrived!!!!!!!!! after planning my outfits for months n months n months, i got 2 wore em! wont state in detail every single thing i hung from every hangable parts of the body.. hehe.. n again.. another very successful.. beautiful day. more tears from those wif feelings. more laughter from da humourous. da service.. da lunches.. da dinner. beautiful. my sister, looked like a queen. chun man!!!!!!! n everyone looked equally good ok. n even jerome, my bro.. he smiled for da pics (fedelia, my 2nd sis says it’s bcoz he realized how ugly he looks wen he doesn’t) n oufei n i took 2 GB of pics. so der..

n wher r da pics? @ home, of course. im stil @ da cc now. wil post em up soon.

mother’s day wus so sweet. mommy wus so happy. a complete family pluz rick n oufei western lunch @ s’wak club n ice cream @ sunny hill. awesome.. da family thing, it’s js so heart melting, k. i cud cry tears of joy n happiness a million times during dis trip back.. but i hid em wif my sweet smile lar.

met up wif sharon n sarah.. n @ nite glo, syl, augie n glo’s FREN.

n i did lots of pics stuff n all.. n ended up rushin 2 da airport like a maddddddddd dog after shoving some of jane’s yummy popiah in2 my mouth.. n da stupid stupid stupid airasia delayed their flight. they shudnt state budget flights. they shud say something like less budget more super delayed flights or something. annoying!!!!!!!! 2 hours n 40 minz. da bitches. n they kept us quiet by.. snack pack. damn them.

n dat’s how i got my arse bk in kl. interesting huh…

n i miss my mom n dad n jane my nanny so much now.. n my cousins n all.. n my aunts n not reli my uncles.. n my bro even. * sigh .. da Ang side of my family reli had a reunion. seriousness. wus sweet. my nieces r adorable.

but life is @ kl. for now. n for a long time til i find somewher wher stress fills da air even more? n somewher wher ppl drive faster n da elevators n escalators move faster n every1 talks faster n everything is faster?

but for now, kl is home. kch is a fantasy getaway but kl is home. it’s 2 b accepted. embraced, wif much love n less annoyance. kch n kl r not too faraway.. but still pretty far. but it’s ok. coz no matter wher i go, n no matter where everyone else is.. family ties link us all together somehow.

here’s wut my sister said during her speech 2 thank my parents during her wedding dinner.. not da exact words.. but still.. i find it extremely touching n i still feel like crying thinking bout it.

"I’ll be leaving a very beautiful place, my hometown Kuching.. to a very far, n very cold but beautiful country, Japan. I will miss my parents, and they will miss me. But I know, that no matter what, they’ll always be in my heart, just as I will always be in theirs."

* sigh.. do miss my sis. gee, i’m starting 2 feel da tears again.. so il end now for this blog. btw, even mom teared (dropped tears) for da speech, n mommy never cries.

n da angel? he’s stil in kch. just wher he shud b for now i guez. he’s a nice fren n relative now lar.

Ok, so I’m bad with computers. N it took me pretty long just to get this typed. coz the internet service’s slow. n im slow.

my chimui nic lost his mp3 thumbdrive dat cost 380 bucks at the cyber cafe we’re stil sitting in. n my car’s at the wash. okie. those 2 matters don’t link. just updating myself wif wut’s been happening in my life. i guez i do feel bad for nic. n i dun think he’l ever come back 2 dis cc wif me. * sigh oh well..

i met dis pretty interesting person, who’s very much like me. but she’s not dat great in real life. so i decided not to add her in2 my circle of life. kinda sad. but oh well.. dat’s life.

hmm.. i realized one thing 2day. i dun talk seriously bout my life at all. sure i blab n gossip n talk n discuss stuff. but i havent been thinking bout my life at all. seriously, dat is. nic says i write too much stuff on my pc. things i can share wif others, so i shud create a blog. n here’s my blog. but i dun reli expect ppl 2 read it or anything. who knows? someone mite?

im xcited bout my sister’s wedding. may 7th. goin bk 2 kch on may 3rd wif rick. reli cant wait. but den again, wen i think bout all da things i haf 2 do wen i go home, i get a bit lazy n i dun reli like to think bout it. im even thinking bout da hassle i haf 2 go thru 2 luk gud for the wedding. make up, dressing up. hmm.. heels.. whole day wif heels. hmmm.. but i think il survive.

at times i do wonder whether il end up getting married or not. i guez not. not in the traditional marriage kind. maybe a legal contract binding me n rick. maybe. i dunno.

im too lazy to think wut 2 write. so i guez dat’s it for now. im not in2 da soul searching stuff 2day

oh yeah, i also just realized.. dat there r so many ppl out der in my life. but who reli fits in? who do i feel comfortable wif? m i me? m i pretending? m i trying 2 b some1 im not? who m i? il go think bout it n maybe il write bout dat one day.